Society for Aesthetic Deletions

I had to go up to campus for a meeting yesterday. Parking on Brown's campus is to laugh. I'm very glad I'm off-campus, we're in a building that has its own parking garage! So I left with a few more minutes to spare, to search for a parking space.

Fortunately for me, I found one relatively quickly! (and of course, saw a closer one as I was walking to the meeting, isn't that always the case?) The space was metered - I didn't leave the requisite hour early to find a space without a meter and with a two-hour limit. So I fished out my quarters from the change drawer in the van, and headed to plug them into the meter. I wasn't sure I had enough, but I'd deal.

I put the first quarter in, turned the little knob, and...and...hmm. The knob wouldn't go all the way. It had turned enough to show "VIOLATION" in big black letters on the bright yellow background, but wouldn't go any farther. It wouldn't show me the few measly minutes that my quarter was supposed to give me.

I thought about trying to put another quarter in, but didn't want to mess up the machine. I didn't think I would be able to put another quarter in, anyway. After a minute of debate, I couldn't afford to wait any longer or I'd be late for the meeting. So I headed off, telling myself that I'd deal with it later.

And periodically during the two-hour meeting, a fantasy took shape. I was going to head back to my car, and I'd find a ticket. I've gotten parking tickets in Providence before (it's been nicknamed "Buddy Cianci's Parking Lot" by those who park in Providence, after our most recent Mayor), and paid them. But this one, oh, this one, I'd go to COURT!

I had a vision in my head. Checking that little box protesting the ticket, getting my court date, going into court, fully prepared to detail how I tried to put my money into the meter, but it wouldn't go past violation, and I couldn't put any more quarters in. The judge would dismiss the case, of course, and I'd not be out $10.

I had a VISION! I was all fired up with righteous anger!

So the meeting ended, and I headed back to my car. As I neared it, I saw a Providence traffic cop (aka meter maid), noting cars, and writing tickets. YES! On my street! I would be so vindicated! Glory, glory, halleluia!

As I approached the van, I saw the cars in front of mine with tickets on them. YES, she had been this way! The righteous fury was seething at the back of my head. I considered trying to talk to the meter maid, explaining what had happened with the meter, but then decided I'd go straight to court.

And then, the unthinkable happened. I had been ignoring it, you see, as I was walking along. I was sure that she had just done something different with my car. Even though the other tickets had been placed on the right-hand side of the window, underneath the wiper blade, I was convinced that she had placed it differnent on my van.

Because I could see the right-hand side of my van's front window. And the wiper blade.

AND THERE WAS NO TICKET!

Finally, the whole van came into view, and there was no ticket anywhere on the front of the van. The meter still showed VIOLATION in black letters on a bright yellow background.

I whined. I pouted. I frowned. I complained. I was in a righteous fury! I had a VISION!

And she had the gall to not provide the outlet for my fury.

It hasn't faded yet. Does anyone want to borrow it for a while?

No, wait. I need to go back up to campus for another meeting today. I might still need it.

Oh yes...I will have an outlet!